All I Needs A Few More Dolla's

My little sister loves the movie Newsies a lot. A lot a lot. She loves it so much so that when Christian Bale or Jack "Cowboy" Kelly sings his song about Santa Fe, she would have done anything to go there. I asked her once if she would be willing to be to work for financial planners in Santa Fe New Mexico and she screamed yes without even thinking, all she heard was Santa Fe. Her scream was followed by a very quick, what does financial planners mean? (she was still too young to know much) I told her that they offer investment services to people in New Mexico. She again asked questions, but only really cared about the Santa Fe part. I told her they helped people manage money and save it up, like Jack Kelly is trying to do so he can move down to Santa Fe. And she said, as long as I get to help Jack Kelly, I don't care what I'm doing. I think she missed that part of the movie where he decides to stay in New York with Sarah because he is a King of New York now, or at least Bill Pullman told him he was. Ever since she has always been willing to help me manage my money, as long as I mention Jack Kelly.

I Bet Not

I am not a betting woman, yet the only sport I would ever bet on is soccer. Pretty much, it is the best sport to watch, and also the most exciting, even though the rest of America would disagree (but seriously America, you like baseball! How can I trust you to tell me what kind of sports I should like?) Low scores make it easy to bet on, and with all of the soccer tips out there from announcers and people that have been watching forever, soccer picks are relatively easy to make.

This isn't like basketball where the scores can range from the 50's up to the 100's, usually people win soccer with scores of 5 and below. Mathematically speaking, soccer betting is more profitable because there are less possible combination of scores to bet on. I bet soccer is pretty intense over in Europe and South America, and basically the whole rest of the world, where they actually care about the sport.

Also, all you need to do is read a few articles on the top players, how they recently performed in the World Cup and then pick the team they are on to win. That sounds easy enough to me.

Soccer Betting

I read this book Blink that was all about thinking with out thinking. Basically it studied our unconscious thoughts, like what we think of someone the first time we meet them, or why we feel safe here and not there.

It explored this one man's ability to determine when a tennis player was going to miss a serve a second time in a row. He could do it while watching the person live, or on TV. He studied and studied, but he never could figure out how he could do it.

Then there was this other man who could tell which horse would win a race, based on who he was lined up next to. For example, if the horse had lost to a mare early in his career, being next to a mare would be detrimental to his performance.

And it made me wonder, there has got to be someone out there with soccer picks and he doesn't realize he knows, but he does. I wonder if there are people like that everywhere, who always win the soccer betting, and it wasn't in the book because soccer is not very big in America. I wonder if he could go around giving seminars on his soccer tips, helping everyone be better at soccer betting.

Frank

I have a tiny confession. I am in love with Frank from the Bachelorette. I almost signed up for the Bachelor because I thought he would be the next one. Before I signed up however, I looked up spoiler alerts to see that he left Ali for an old girlfriend! But I don't care, when they went to his hometown date in Chicago, I tried to see his address so I could stalk him. Yep, seriously.

So I have set up this entire scheme on how to get Frank to love me and not his current girlfriend Nicole. You see it involves a chance meeting at an audio visual rental store in Chicago (brilliant start to the plan, no? My friend owns the place so it'll be a great meeting), and then it continues to involve more audio visual stuff throughout the night, like slide shows of my love and things of that nature. I'm not exactly sure how to get him to the store because he wouldn't even come to the Bachelorette Men Tell All, and I'm sure they offered him money!  But once I've got him there, he will have no choice to dump Nicole and start dating me! :)

Wedding Dress!

It is insanely hard to find a temple wedding dress because I am a pretty picky girl, especially when it comes to my clothes, especially when it comes to my wedding day. Hello. You only buy one wedding dress, EVER, so the pressure is pretty intense to get it right.

The only wedding dress I have seen that I want to wear was on Project Runway:

I have dreams about this dress. Seriously. I have been trying to figure out a way that I could wear this and still be modest. Granted, there are a lot of modest wedding dresses out there, but finding one that is different and vintage like this is not easy. I have been to a lot of weddings, and seen a lot of modest wedding gowns that were pretty, and were very much the style of the bride, yet I have never been able to find something that is me (except for the dress above). All of my plans to alter the dress above (in my head of course) have been in vain, the only possible scenario I could see working would be to add feather sleeves. It could definitely work, I just don't want anything that will detract from the simple gorgeousness of the dress, you know? Any suggestions? 

John Boos

Growing up we always had Cutco knives and I never thought anything of it, because I'm a kid, why should I care what kind of knives we have! Then as I grew older I realized the superiority of those knives. My mom bought hers in college, so I was hoping to save up in college to buy myself some. Well, that is a rich dream, let me tell you. To have any money after you are done with college is a feat, let alone having some while attending college. So for my most recent birthday my mom bought me some knives, and ever since I have been slightly to moderately obsessed with fine kitchen cookware. For example, have you ever seen a John Boos butcher block? Man, those things are nice. I bought one and it compliments my Cutco knives perfectly! Since I had such a great experience with by butcher block, I decided to look into other John Boos products. I found a beautiful John Boos table (which I bought) and a kitchen island (which I did not buy due to lack of space, because of the table which I have added to my ridiculously small apartment). But I plan on buying other products as soon as I get somewhere nicer and more permanent to live.

COPPER

I have really come to enjoy metals of all kinds.

Copper, nickel, iron, zinc, aluminum, and whatever batteries are made out of.

You may be thinking, Mae, what a weird thing to enjoy. But I will say to you, no! It is a perfectly reasonable thing to enjoy. My enjoyment came about slowly, first with what batteries are made of because they feel weird when you stick them on your tongue. Then aluminum because of aluminum foil balls you make after you eat a baked potato. Then zinc, iron and nickel for the obvious reasons. Lastly copper.

Did you know that copper has a resounding history? When you think of copper you may only think of the copper pots and pans of today, but this is not so my friends. The copper pot you cook with is only the icing on the cake. In ancient Greece's alchemy,the symbol for copper was also the symbol for the goddess and planet Venus because of it's beauty and it's ability to produce mirrors. I'm telling you, people have been using copper for ages! We just recently started making copper pans because we wanted to be original and everything you think could have been done with copper already was. There are copper mines and copper doors and the ancient Aztecs fought sore throats by gargling copper mixtures. Weird, right? Go look up other cool things done with copper and amaze all of your friends!!!

History

I love to watch the History Channel. I find all of the World War II military history shows fascinating. I think it's cool that most of the shows on the History Channel are about World War II because the majority of people who watch the History Channel served or vividly remember World War II.

I think this is interesting because in the history of the world, history can probably be categorized into a few different categories, gender, national, ancient, social, and military history.

But out of these categories, military history is probably the most interesting, because there are the most feelings, perspectives and actions that take place. Sure social history is interesting, but there is no outline of battles that took place in order to make changes happen. Following military history is fascinating and easy because you see clear causes and effects that you can rarely see elsewhere within the realm of history. For example, we don't really understand all of the causes that led to Women's Suffrage, but we can probably list a few key factors to how we won the Civil War. Or World War I or World War II. Which leads me back to my original statements about the History Channel. Not only does the History Channel have most of it's programs spotlighting World War II because of it's audience, it will probably continue to highlight wars as this is the easiest and also the most complex subject to cover.

Thank you.

When is the last time you got a Christmas card from your place of work? Yeah...that's what I thought.

When is the last time you got a business Thanksgiving card? Now that's more like it! These Thanksgiving cards for business are all the rage now a days. My friend gets either a turkey or a fruit basket for Thanksgiving from her work, not to mention a Thanksgiving card to boot. Talk about fancy, right?

Not only do these Thanksgiving cards remind employees to have fun and eat a lot, it reminds them that they are appreciated. In essence, they are what the executives are thankful for. One time, in the entire year, you know that you are appreciated because you get a card! It will probably have a cornucopia on it, or some fall leaves, but isn't that exactly what we want? As long as there is something cool on the inside or outside of the card, it makes the entire year of hard work worth it. We don't have to think about the miserable winter that is fast approaching, or the stress of inbetween Thanksgiving and Christmas. On Thanksgiving, with my card, I can relax and give thanks.

Merry New Years!

Have you started thinking about your Christmas cards yet? Well, you probably should because the Holiday season is fast approaching. You think you have time, and then once Halloween hits, it's all over. After Halloween you have to prepare for Thanksgiving, and then Christmas is only a few weeks later, and amidst all of the shopping for presents, and baking and decorating, you forget to send out cards! I know I always do.


But I recently stumbled upon a grand idea, New Year's cards! Not only that, but business New Year's cards! Ingenious right? Meaning, you can be at work, and all the while be working on your business New Years greeting cards! You can not only make people feel good that you forgot about during Christmas, but you can do it on your company time! But be careful, just because New Year's is technically after Christmas, you should remember that nothing productive happens between the two holidays. Maybe you return unwanted presents? Maybe you go and see family or friends? But don't you dare think about waiting until the break to send out your New Year's cards. Do it before, then you can feel superior to your friends who only send out Christmas cards, when you are following the new trend and being more politically correct at the same time.  

Yay Me!

Three Jobs That Are Too Good For Me:

1. A security guard for the President.
Don't get me wrong, I'm as patriotic as they come, and I love Obama, I'm just not too sure that I love this country enough to take a bullet for it. In war, that's a different story, because that's a country to country, issue to issue type of deal, but to die just because some psycho wants to kill the president? Not my thing. Shouldn't the president be wearing some sort of bullet proof vest all of the time anyway?

2. To work at a pharmacy in West Palm Beach
Sure, pharamcists make a lot of money, but pharmacies in general confuse me. I am not scientific or mathematical in any way, so the thought of working somewhere that is all about science is not that appealing to me. Also, I would be worried about getting sick all of the time, because mostly sick people go to the pharmacy. And I've never been to West Palm Beach, but I hear it's either hot and humid or thunderstorms. I'm more of a mild climate girl.

3. Kindergarten teacher.
Probably no one could pay me enough money to do this. I love kids, but running a day care where you actually have to teach the kids something is beyond me. Only the greats can do this, and I am not a great.

Limousine Service

I have an idea for a new ritzy way to do touristy things, while still looking posh. It's a limousine service that takes you and your family, or spouse or friends, (essentially, a small group) and takes them around a touristy town, like Washington D.C.

So, instead of hitting just the touristy spots like Lincoln Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, The White House, etc., you would get to see the nicest parts of town. The best bakeries, the best vintage stores, the underground places to see famous people. Basically, you would experience the city like you've lived there your whole life, and you'd still get to see the main attractions.

This Washington D.C. limousine service sounds pretty cool, right?

Well, there's more to my plan! Each driver would have to be a local, and would have to know the underground hot spots. Now, not every driver can keep sending these tourists to local spots, because then essentially, it would become a tourist spot. So, each driver would only be allowed to take his small group to the same place twice a week. And no two drivers could have the same itinerary.

Who really wants to park and walk all over humid DC? No one!

Who really wants to ride the metro with stinky people? No one!

Who wants a nice swanky atmosphere without the lines and tourists? EVERYONE!

Nice Day for a White Wedding??

"Will you marry me?!?!?"

There are 5 things that frighten or disturb me. One is marriage. Next is being lost in space. Then there's wedding programs. Following is being buried alive. Lastly is spiders.

Today I have decided to talk about being buried alive. JK. I'm going to talk about marriage. 

"Marriage is what brings us together today."

Reasons I am disturbed:

Look at Romeo and Juliet's first anniversary picture, didn't work out to hot for them now, did it?

As long as we're talking about one year anniversaries, what is the deal with eating the top of your cake on your one year anniversary?? Gross.


Wedding programs and receptions included are also the pits because sometimes they are awkward. You have to dress nice and dance and listen to lovey music. And sometimes there's no open bar :( If you make me come to your wedding, at least open the bar, right? Don't get me wrong, I love me a good reception, as long as it is a nice, classy event. I hate listening to drunken speeches about past relationships and follies in the relationship between the bride and groom. Leave the drama for your mama, who hopefully is safely at home.

BONES

Have you ever seen that show Bones? 

This is what I know about it. It's about these forensic engineers in North Carolina. There is a lot of sexual tension between the two main characters. It's like Jim and Pam, only it has lasted 10 seasons or something like that (I just looked it up, the 6th season is just starting). So all I can say, is that when something finally happens between the girl who's sister is Zooey Deschanel and that main guy from Angel, you will be able to hear the cries of relief and happiness from fans, spanning the United States. Which, if you really think about it, is pretty sad, seeing as these are fictional people...shouldn't people be focusing on their own lives instead of trying to find satisfaction from a fictional love story? I guess there's a lot wrong with society today, and loving Bones isn't the worst thing possible. I mean, I guess we read Shakespeare and Jane Austen and George Orwell for the same things, right?

But back to Bones. I know that they have supposedly witty banter....basically, it is every other show on TV is has forensics, a love story, accident reconstruction so we can follow along, and no real episode to episode plot, no matter how hard they try. You never hear someone say, Did  you see BONES last night? No! It's all about Lost, the crazy plot show.

Poser.

Once I met this guy who was a dentist in Falls Church, Virginia. He was telling me all about his little town, which is outside of Alexandria, Virginia, which is outside of Washington D.C., which is the capital of our nation. So basically, he tell me, he is from D.C. Riiiiiight. I've heard that before. So many people try to pretend to be from way cooler and bigger places than they really are. Like Elian Gonzalez, he tried to pretend to be from America, when he was clearly from Cuba. Remember how adorable he was? Apparently he is working with Fidel now. Siggggh.

But back to the Falls Church dentist, he was very uppity about all the heritage in his town, just because it was established in the sixteenth century. And I was thinking, really? You probably burned people! And second have you ever heard of China? Because Archaeological evidence suggests that the earliest hominids (or as I like to call them, gorilla-men) in China date from 250,000 to 2.24 million years ago.

Anyways. I saw right through him and his condescension. Seriously, he was acting like he was the King of America because he lives "in" D.C. also because he's a dentist.

MAMMA MIA!

Remember when I posted about my maybe father? He owned a plumbing business in Sacramento. Well I found him! He is still up to his old shenanigans, drain cleaning in Phoenix. My mom finally let the cat out of the bag about my real dad, and my life slightly resembles Mamma Mia.

There are three people that could be my dad:

The hippie dippie plumber, specializing in herbal drain cleaning. He calls himself Stormy Carl, and I really wish he would be my real dad, because I think we would get along. 

Bret Michaels. What can I say, my mom was a rocker. I knew something weird was up when she loved to watch Rock of Love on VH1. At first I just thought it was because he's attractive in a really odd way, but then she started saying things, like "Bret is so funny" and "she doesn't deserve him".

Tom Selleck. This one I'm way proud of, because he is a silver fox.

I'm mostly worried about being Bret's daughter because I am blonde with blue eyes. Tom Selleck would be cool and all, but I am sort of way attracted to him, so that would be wrong. I am really gunning for the plumber, drain cleaning in Phoenix.

Moving Companies...

One time I had to move across the country from New York to Denver (yeah, it was a huge downgrade, not that Denver isn't awesome, it's just not New York). So I loaded up my little car with all of my crap in it, and believe me - it was a very tight fit. I had stuff strapped to the top and I couldn't see out of any windows, only the drivers side and half of the windshield. That's just how I roll I guess. Mostly I was just too cheap to go to a moving company. So I'm driving along, the drive is supposed to take around 28 hours total...yeah more than a day...and I'm right outside of Des Moines I get pulled over, except I can only tell because of my side view mirror. I wasn't speeding or anything. So the police officer tells me that he has a brother who owns a moving company in Des Moines and he can get me a really good deal. Otherwise, he's going to have to give me a ticket because I can clearly not see anything. I tell him that I am so close to my destination, and I really don't want to use a moving company in Des Moines...but he knows that Denver is actually not that close at all. So I end up calling his brother and I actually get a pretty good deal, and a cool trailer that I pulled behind my car. In the end it was the same amount of money I would've spent because I went without a hotel and just slept in my newly cleared out car :)

Never Ever

Have you ever used a moving company in Des Moines? No, that's weird, I thought every one had...


Here is a list of things I have not done that most people have done: (Basically this is like the game "I have never", but played with just myself)

- I have not seen Dumb and Dumber. Or Bravehart. Or Citizen Kane. Or E.T. Or The Graduate. Or Schindler's List. Or Saving Private Ryan. I know, it's shameful. However, I have seen From Justin to Kelly!


- I have not been to a bar/club (but I have sung Karaoke)

- I don't know how to build a fire

- I don't know how to drive a stick shift

- I don't know what APR means, or 401k

- I have not changed a tire. Or my oil. That's what Triple A and Wal-Mart are for, right?

- I have not moved by myself (which is why I asked about the moving company in Des Moines)

- I have not ever been able to correctly identify North, South, East or West

- I have never fixed a computer

- I have never had a job that paid more than 12 dollars an hour


What have you never done?? Go do it!

Nyssa.

My dad grew up in Eastern Oregon, and by Eastern Oregon, I mean like half of a mile west of Idaho. Seriously, here is a map. The closest thing they have to themselves is Boise. How rough, right? Trying to get auto repair in Boise is easy. Getting your car to Boise for auto repair, not as easy.

Do you see that? The river is the border. Also, Nyssa is home to 3,000 people. Probably 100 of those are my family.

It is actually a very beautiful place where mint leaves and thunder eggs abound. Growing up, I loved visiting there, mostly because I adored my family that lived there, and also because it was fun! And we got to eat mint plants. (Side story, the other day I had some mint lemonade, and I was flooded with images, smells and memories of Nyssa)

It was home to the Amalgamated Sugar Company, where they employed my grandpa until his accidental death there in the 1970s. They employed a little less than 1,000 people until 2005 when they shut down the factory.

Nyssa only has one gas station, but they do have an A&W!

My dad lived here his whole entire life, and my high school had more people in it than his whole town. Mind boggling.

Freud Would Probably be Ashamed

I love to interpret my dreams, so here I go

The other night I had this dream where I was an electrician in Minneapolis
Easy: I had just talked to my cousin who is an electrician in San Francisco, and we were talking about art around San Francisco and we were trying to figure out where that spoon sculpture was, because neither of us have ever seen it, and we figured that if we were in the same city as the spoon, we would have seen it. Or at least known it was there. So we were talking about all of the cities we had been to, but I completely forgot that there was such a place as Minneapolis, let alone art there. He remembered though. 

Next in my dream I was chasing around a red balloon
This one is also easy, although it has a lot of meanings I could attach to it. I just bought a red shirt and a red necklace and I was wondering why because I don't even like the color, but I was delving into my inner thoughts about red,  because apparently deep down I must like the color. Next, I have been researching how to pilot a hot air balloon, and looking into how much they cost, because I think it would be crazy rad. Also, dreams are like balloons, and I have dreams about love, which is red. Also, I love that song 99 luftballoons.

That's all I got for today!
Peace,
Love your Minneapolis electrician chasing red balloons

Hitting Rock Bottom

 
You Know You've Hit Rock Bottom When:

1. You sell your own kidney for crack
2. Your best friend is the food prep manager at Dell Taco. He only works the late night shifts.
3. You sell your best friends baby for crack
4. You refer to yourself as your nick name on World of Warcraft
5. The only woman you saw in the past month was your mom
6. Your girlfriend is a Japanese pillow named Kimiko
7. You start breaking out in the Aladdin song "Street Rat"
8. You sleep outside of an auto repair shop in Boise, and the rats smell better than you do. (not that there's anything wrong with auto repair shops, or Boise, it's just a lethal combination man)
9. You played video games for 3 days straight, forgot to eat and had to be rushed to the hospital
10. You over dose on Flintstones Vitamins
11. When you won't admit you have a problem
12. You gauge your time based on how many levels of call of duty you've beaten. You created an algorithm for it to make it simpler. The average number of minutes it takes to finish a level, multiplied by number of friends you have....
13. You don't even have your baby daddy options narrowed down to three like in Mamma Mia.
14. You have no recollection of the past week because you've been so wasted
15. You share pants with your husband.

My Boyfriends Jack

Once I dated this guy named Jack. He was an electrician in Minneapolis, and boy was he was adorable. We didn't have much in common, just our passion for the band Insane Clown Posse. We met at a concert of theirs and because he is an electrician in Minneapolis, his company was in charge of the lights for the show. So, we met during the show, and there was an instant connection, which was amazing. Jack invited me to come back to meet the band after the show, and hello! Why wouldn't I come, right?  So I ditched my friends and went with him and met the crazy geniuses of Insane Clown Posse. Let's just say, they were awesome, and way nicer that I thought they would be, but that kind of ruined the facade of the insane clowns.

But back to Jack. We had a good run together, we lasted a full 4 months based on our love for a band. Crazy, right? I'd really like to say that we had more in common than that and our crazy connection with each other, but that would be lying. We ended one stormy night when I realized that I wanted more in life than to be married to an electrician, let alone someone I don't have anything in common with. 

AUTO REPAIR

Once I was driving from Portland, Oregon to Salt Lake City, Utah. It was quite a fun trip, actually. Except for when I accidentally left my favorite wallet on top of the car while getting gas and once we hit the freeway it flew off the car. Luckily we pulled off and found my things on the side of the road, including credit cards, my social security card, pictures, cash etc. Weird how critically important things can be boiled down to pieces of paper, right? Fortunately, we found everything. Unfortunately, my wallet was forever ruined :(

Another fun adventure from that trip is when we got to Boise, our car started freaking out. Luckily there was a place called Boise Auto Repair where we kind of got our car fixed. This place, Boise Auto Repair, was nice looking on the outside and the inside. Also, the workers were also nice looking. However, they were confused about our problem, because two girls explaining a car problem is not exactly clear or efficient. So they fixed our car for the air filter or something random like that, and we went confidently on our way.

We made it to Salt Lake, and it turns out there really was nothing wrong with our car, it was some weird noise coming from something in the back of our car.

New York

Do you know that song, Empire State of Mind? Not only is it an awesome song, it was featured on Glee and Sex in the City 2 - with a verse or two of it's own added :)

Well, I want to talk about Sex in the City and the girls from it.

First, Carrie Bradshaw (Preston) - she would hate me for that, or aka Sarah Jessica Parker.
How can you not love Carrie? And even if you are broken up over the whole Aiden thing, it's ok because Big really loves her. 

Second, Miranda Hobbes aka Cynthia Nixon.
I really do not like Miranda. I'm sorry. She is never nice to anyone and she always has a stick up her butt.

Third, Samantha Jones aka Kim Cattral

I didn't know that New York plastic surgery was so big. Then I saw Samantha. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but she goes a little too far, especially in the newest sequel to ensure she is still perfectly young looking.

Lastly is Charlotte York Goldenblatt aka Kirsten Davis.

She is officially my favorite. If I was any of these ladies, it would be Charlotte. Yes, she is a little crazy sometimes, but who isn't? Also, she would never get plastic surgery, unlike some of her soul mates.

Basically, what's not to love about this show, right?

Imitation

New York plastic surgery is an art, it's nothing like LA where you can't walk down the street without getting fake "assets" shoved in your face. I feel like this is true across the board when comparing LA and New York:

New York is the city of Broadway. It is original, moving, deep, live theater.
LA is the home of Cinema. Now, I'm not knocking cinema, but it seems like cinema is a mere imitation of live theater. There is no energy in movies when compared with a live performance. Cinema stemmed from the amazing pieces of drama that greats like Shakespeare or Neil Simon wrote.

New York is the capital of fashion.
LA likes fashion, but it mostly takes what New York loves, copies it, makes a cheap imitation and charges more money for it.

There are a billion more examples, I am sure. But basically this all stemmed from talking about plastic surgery. Mainly, I just really don't enjoy LA. I think it is a simulacrum of a real city (Disneyland included) and it tries to be something it clearly is not. It's like Lady Gaga, she loves to pretend to be obsessed with fame, but really she is calling attention to the fact that we are all crazy obsessed with fame. Except LA does not realize that it is an imitation. It is like bad art, it is trying to be original but everyone can see the influences of Cezanne and Picasso as clearly as they are written on this blog.