I Gots Mad Love For JT

One normal day I was on my laptop in Central Florida, Winter Park to be more exact when all of a sudden it made a weird noise that sounded like Justin Timberlake, or maybe Michael Jackson singing a high note. I didn't think it was my computer, but after looking all over my apartment for something else that could have sounded like JT I concluded it must have been my computer. Then I went back on to check my email and all I could see were classic paintings, which I actually loved. At first I thought my boyfriend had added an app to my laptop to make me happy. So after I let the pictures scroll through a few times I actually tried to use my computer, and it wouldn't work. I called a computer repair place and they said they could only fix it if it was an actual computer computer, those jerks. So I had to scour the phone book for a laptop repair place. I told them it was probably a virus and asked if they provided virus removal. Luckily they did! They said it was the Justin Timberlake virus (I was right, it was him singing!) and that it pretty much didn't do anything harmful to your computer, it was just crazy hard to get rid of, which is why they call it the JT virus, he isn't harmful, he is just hard to get over your love for him. Hm. And I thought I was the only one with that problem.

I Want To Fly My Airplane.

Once, I really wanted to be a pilot. Obviously I don't have a pilots license, but I still wanted to see how far I could go in the interview process. So I started looking up all of these pilot jobs on craigslist. Not only did I get tons of aviation jobs inquiries with my fake pilot's license, tons of pilot jobs were open for me to apply to!

So I interviewed at a few places, and one place wanted me to fly a plane for my practical interview. I thought long and hard about what I was actually going to do once I got to the interview because I couldn't just go through with it, but I also couldn't pass up an opportunity to fly a plane. When the time came however I confessed to my falsities and told the guy at American Airlines that I was a punk kid writing a book about the job market, and about how verifiable your resume actually has to be. He said he admired my spunk and offered me a job as a hostess. I accepted, because I was pretty low on cash and when American Airlines offers you something, you accept.

India Fever

Have you noticed that India is the coolest place to live these days?
At least it's pretty cool to want to live, or to visit, or to be interested in. Especially if you're from California or New Jersey. Don't ask me why, but those states especially seem to be obsessed with India.

So to keep up with demands and to let you know how cool I am because I know so much about it, let me tell you about India:

Bangalore is nicknamed the Garden City and was once called a pensioner's paradise. This is why there are so many gifts to Bangalore shops, because lots of places in California get flowers and other garden-esque things from Bangalore.

India is the most populous democracy in the world, and the second most populated country in the world.

India has a coastline of 4,700 miles

India is home to Bollywood, which produces about 10 times the volume of films that Hollywood does, but India makes less money.

The Taj Mahal was made by Mughal emperor Shah Jahan for his beloved deceased wife (in the critically acclaimed movie, Slumdog Millionaire, Jamal tells tourists that his wife died in a car accident - however this is not true)

The end. 

Dr. Crazy

I've been thinking a lot about discount supplements lately.

The other day I went into the vitamin store at the mall, I think it's called Vitamin World or something like that. So I was looking for some discount supplements because I definitely don't have enough money not to buy discount supplements, because I need to bulk up, you know? I'm getting pretty scrawny, especially compared to my roommates and I heard Dr. Oz saying that discount supplements are definitely the way to go. Speaking of which, Dr. Oz super weirds me out. Like, I'm not the biggest fan of Dr. Phil, but he seems normal enough. Now Dr. Oz, he is a weirdo to the nth degree. I am super fascinated by him, and obviously I trust him because I always watch Oprah when he is on, but I am always in awe when he talks, a weird awe, like I don't like what is happening to me. I don't really know where Oprah finds these people. Why can't I come on her show and tell her how do something? I could be her fashion expert or something, and she would give me my own show.  

Peace and Music

I have always wanted to go to Woodstock to see a live band or two. Or maybe smoke a few doobies, make a few friends from Minnesota or South Dakota. Have a few days of peace and free love. They had a reunion in 2009 and I wanted to go so bad. There was a band or two there that I really wanted to see. Granted, in 1994 things got pretty out of control and people were throwing poo everywhere. It makes me want to puke just thinking about it. But I still really want to go, maybe it wouldn't be so crazy? Actually, it probably would be that crazy, and totally worth it. I know this guy from Nebraska who went in 2009 and he said it was the coolest thing he's ever done. Also, I really want to see that movie Taking Woodstock directed by Ang Lee, (who directed Brokeback Mountain and Sense and Sensibility, which surprisingly are not the two most different movies ever believe it or not, they are both about lost and found love). Also, it has Demetri Martin in it, who I am totally in love with because he is so awkward but so cool.

Rock n Roll

"You know I wear a medical alarm!" - Liz Lemon

I want to express my love for Liz Lemon, Tina Fey and 30 Rock. In the latest episode Jack says some quip about Liz dying alone and lonely and she makes a joke about wearing one of those medical alert monitoring systems. Then she pulls out a real medical alarm out of her shirt. It wasn't a joke after all. "That's why I wear one too!"

Basically, I think 30 Rock is the best show on TV. Obviously I love Tina, but Tracy Morgan/Jordan makes the show the best ever. (except for when Liz pee's in the vase)

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"I'm straight up mentally ILL!"

"Dr. Spaceman, Dr. Spaceman!!!"

"If your man has a necklace that says 'open marriage' that's a deal breaker??"
"Tracy and Liz's place, Tracy speaking...it's Jenna, from work"
"It's a reef shark, just put it in a tub with a reef"
"Now that we're all up, can we talk about the elephant in the room?"
"Or I would go to my house boat, which I cannot find"
"You like cold pizza better than hot pizza, that's absurd" "Don't tell me how to like my pizza"

Enjoy these quotes, mostly from Tracy :)

Andre the Hurricane

Have you ever seen a hurricane? Or as southerners call them, hurric'n. When I see a hurricane, shutters are sent down my spine. The same goes for storms. I like to call them storm shutters and hurricane shutters because I think the double entendre is funny. I used to live in the Florida area, around Dade county or Broward county, I can never remember which one it was exactly because they were so close to each other. But the hurricanes that came along that area are crazy. I also  lived in Texas, and there was a lot of hail and storms, but nothing that paralleled Florida, man. Probably because Florida is all peninsula and water, no actual substance. Florida is like a premature baby compared to Andre the Giant Texas.

But hurricanes are probably the scariest thing ever. Just about any situation where the outcome or variable is unpredictable scares the pants off me. And a lot of people actually. A burglar robs your house, its scary because you don't know what's going to happen. If you knew a burglar was going to stop by at exactly 8:02 just as American Idol was starting, and that he was just going to take your mom's vase and wouldn't hurt you, you wouldn't be that freaked. But once that burglar comes into your house, the freak out ensues because of the unpredictable.

I Feel It In My Fingers

I have noticed in my years that not too many jewelers have return policies. I find this a pain because why should no jewelers have a return policy?? All jewelers should have a return policy, or at least some sort of exchange program in place. I feel like the jewelers should realize that girls say no, fights occur, families get in the way and things just don't work out perfectly all of the time. I wish that I could start my own jewelery, I would probably start it in Reno because I was amazed at the lack of jewelers that I saw there. At my Reno Jewelery I would have a very lenient return policy, because it is heart breaking enough and embarrassing enough to have to return a ring, and even worse when no jewelers will take it back! My Jewelery will be very successful as I will take no diamonds that are considered "blood diamonds" from Africa. They will all be reasonably priced, and I will also offer Cubic Zirconia because I think that's classy too. Also, I don't believe in going into debt for a ring, so I will offer payment programs so it's easier for couples to afford a beautiful ring. 

Tar Zgay.

Do you want to know why Target is my favorite place to shop?


1.At some Target's they have those big red balls outside the store, and at other ones they have this stamped concrete target that looks like it was made with broken tail lights. It's probably the coolest stamped concrete I've ever seen.

2. I love the quality. It's inexpensive but durable.

3. It is so clean! It has white floors good lighting and it always feels open and clean and bright. I just like to be there.

4. The clothes! And Jewelry! I'm not a super huge fan of the shoes, but still. Mostly I love target dresses. They are cute and inexpensive and I love them. The jewelry is also fantastic, they just started this new line of more expensive jewelry which I was not too happy about, but the pieces were stunning. I bought one on sale.


5. The big signs that tell you where to go for Electronics or the Restrooms.


6. The shopping carts. They look like they were designed by the same people that design kids toys, but these are for adults.

7. Isaac Mizrahi.

8. The ads and commercials. 

9. SuperTargets.

10. EVERYTHING. Hands down, I love Target. There is no question about it.

The end. Peace from Charlotte and Raleigh.

Stanford: All My Hopes and Dreams

So I have always wanted to go to school at Stanford, always always always. In high school, Stanford sent my friend an application! I was crazy jealous. But my mom always told me that the only people that got into those crazy private schools in Palo Alto California (ie. Stanford) were the people whose dad is in jail, because they are underprivileged, and a white middle class girl like me had no choice (which is partly true). Then last summer I got to do some research at the Stanford libraries and they thought I was a student and it made me feel wonderful and awful at the same time. Wonderful that I looked cool enough and smart enough to go there, and awful because I don't have any kind of chance to get in there. But now my good friend got into grad school there! I am so crazy jealous. All that I got growing up was a regular public elementary school (none of those fancy private schools for me) in Portola Valley California. Not that I am complaining, because I got to go to a very nice private school later on in life, it just isn't Stanford, and nothing ever will be.

NORLANS

Things That Remind Me of New Orleans

The Princess and the Frog - That new Disney movie that's not fantastic, but pretty good. Well it's set in New Orleans, and I love the cartoon depiction of the city. First, the French prince is way hunky, and even though he is a frog the whole entire time, he is still hunky. Next, New Orleans! It is so full of jazz and culture that it's hard to resist.

Harry Connick Jr. - He is from there and loooves the jazz culture that is so apparent there. He was way influential in helping rebuild the city after the hurricane. Also, I love Harry and all of his music and acting and everything about him.

Drew Brees - Apparently there are shirts in New Orleans that say "What would Breesus do?" Yup, they love him that much there. He was also very influential in helping rebuild the city - alongside Harry Connick Jr.

Dan - He's a painting contractor there. I met him when I went down for Mardi Gras, and we became fast friends. He is always talking about his painting contractor job and how he could never move away from it because it is so great.

We Didn't Start The Fire

Oh, Scottsdale Arizona. You were voted America's Most Livable City in 1993. In 1937 Frank Lloyd Wright came and set up shop out in Scottsdale. You have this really cool art walk with tons and tons of statues. Now what has happened to you? I used to love you and your statues and your Frank Lloyd Wright influences and your livable-ness.

Mostly I'm upset because when I was last in Scottsdale enjoying living, my CD's got stolen out of my car and the jerks made it so I couldn't open my car even though I had my keys. Don't ask me how they did it, they were super rude. Take my CD's and leave. Naturally, I called a locksmith but that guy was no help at all! He couldn't figure out the lock so he broke the window! And then he charged me for his services, even though I might as well call myself a locksmith because I could have done that. I asked him why he happened to be the worst locksmith in the country when Scottsdale was such a great place to live but he said to me "Honey, I'm the best locksmith there is." Well, that's still debatable, because he's the only locksmith I've ever used and technically I was able to get in my car after that.

RUFIO

You know in the movie the Hangover when they accidentally take roofies? Life is kind of like that sometimes.

For example, back in '84 when I was working for this roofing company in Denver and I was on a job, and there I was, roofing away when all of a sudden, I was in a corn field. I thought I was dreaming so I decided to have the most fun I could. Then I found some crop circles, and I started freaking out and crying, "I want to wake up, I want to go back to roofing in Denver." It was pretty wimpy, I admit it. But still, crop circles and aliens have always freaked me out ever since I can remember. Especially since I saw that movie Signs. Talk about freaky, right? Am I the only one that was scared by that movie? Anyways, I'm in this corn field and I'm running for a long time and I find a swimming pool. There's a huge party with tons of people. I'm so excited to be with people again, how could I not join? They are all talking about where they are from, and no one had ever heard of Denver, and I'm thinking, there is something wrong here, Denver is a big city and...yep. I had been abducted by aliens.

Life in Plastic, It Ain't Fantastic

 
Have you ever been to see a plastic surgeon in Farmington Hills just for kicks and giggles and to make fun of the people in there? And then you accidentally agree to come in the next week for a surgery and end up paying lots and lots of money for a surgery that you only half wanted in the first place? But it still looks really good, and your self esteem so it wasn't exactly a waste of time until you meet a man who looks down on girls who have been to see a plastic surgeon so you have to lie about it? But you never would have met your soul mate if it wasn't for that one day in Farmington Hills because now you have self confidence? So then you're in a conundrum, do you keep lying to the man you love in order to stay happy, or do you tell him and lose him forever because of some silly half pre-meditated mistake? It's not like you ever killed anyone or stole a car. It's just a little trip to the plastic surgeon that caused all of these things events.

Oh, that's never happened to you?? Well, me neither! Have a great day!

SNOOKIE SNUGGIE

You know what New Jersey needs? Better home security! Seriously, do you know how many times I have been sitting at home, watching Jersey Shore with a gallon of ice cream and not been able to concentrate on the drama between Snookie and The Situation because all I can think about are security systems?!?! Too many! I have missed so many important things in The Situations life because I am worried about being burgled. I am not being a very devoted fan. My best friends mom in New Jersey recently got burgled and it has been freaking me out ever since. Especially when you see people like J Woww who clearly does not care if her windows and doors are open at night! Any one could walk in at any time JWoww. Seriously, just because you're on a famous TV show doesn't mean you're safe from home intruders. Especially when there are so many crazed fans of yours that could break in at any time and try to kill you! It has happened before and it will happen again. I am only worried about the safety of you and all your friends. I think I need to go over to NJ and teach everyone a little something about home security!

Plumb Away My Heart

Sacramento is one of my favorite cities ever. My mom grew up there, and now I have lots and lots of family and friends that live there. It's where I go to see concerts, it's where I go to buy kites. It is not where I go to see the Kings, because I don't like them. But it is where I go to see hippies. Lots and lots of hippies, my aunt being one of them. Granted, there are not as many hippies in Sacramento as there are in San Francisco or Berkeley, but it's still is pretty concentrated.


Speaking of hippies, my mom told me this story about a hippie she dated who owned a plumbing company in Sacramento. He performed all sorts of herbal remedies to clean peoples pipes and apparently his plumbing company was pretty successful.  He called it "Hippie Dippie Plumbing." Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up. He would put plants and dirt in their pipes and then he'd meditate for a while. You'd see him around town, riding his bike with a garden in his basket. My mom only got one good picture of him (below), which is tragic because I think he might be my dad.

A Frenchmen's Home Is Where Another Man's Wife Is - Mark Twain

I speak French, did you know?

Truth!

I took French all 4 years of high school, and then in college too, so I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty much fluent now! In class in high school we would always talk about French copper pots and pans because my French teacher was a crazy lady. We called her Big Bird because she was really tall and skinny and had short fluffy blond hair. (I'm not too proud of this, but it was high school, right?) She loved everything random that was even closely related to France or French culture. Like le creuset cookware? Those too! She used to bring in "French bread" that was only French because she made it in a le creuset pot. But I couldn't really complain too much, because we got free bread out of it. Sometimes we would persuade her to let us leave early so we could explore our inner french with french fries. And french toast if we were lucky. But back to copper pots, there are these French ones, called terre e provence I think. And they're really pretty! I'm glad she introduced me to at least one thing that will be useful for me later in life.

I'm Too Sexy For My Buffalo Leather Jacket

Do you want to look really cool this fall season? Hurry and go kill all of the buffalo's you can find. Yeah that's right, I said it - pull an Indian on their butts. Next, shear off the skin, make leather, and sew yourself  a buffalo leather jacket. Make sure there's lots and lots of fringe. And look really tough while you wear it because this only increases your jackets coolness factor. Wimps don't wear leather jackets! It's a cold hard fact.


This is guaranteed to get yourself:
a. Some hot chicks. (Or dudes, if you're into that sort of thing)
b. Some cool friends.
c. Street cred. Tons and tons of street cred. 
d. It will match friends buffalo leather biker gear.
e. Your parents will finally love you.
f. You'll get a very good job.


Don't worry if you don't have a ton of buffalo leather biker gear, there is still plenty of time to get your act together my friend. Last year I didn't get leggings to wear with my short shorts until at least October, and I still had friends. So don't fret if you're a little behind the times, things will come together quickly for you, I just know it.

OMG!

Have you ever been to Las Vegas and had a really crazy weekend? Yeah? How interesting! Did you get arrested and need a bail bondsman? Yeah? You are SO cool and original! False! Everyone has had a crazy weekend in Las Vegas! You are completely unoriginal! How do you feel about that??

You know what else in unoriginal?

ALL OF THESE THINGS:

Your name.
Sara, Matt, Daniel, Alex, Jennifer, Will...you get the picture.

Being a hipster.
What are you?? Beat? Hippie? Punk? Grunge?? I don't get you!

Liking foreign/indie film.
Amelie. Slumdog Millionaire. Requiem For a Dream.

Liking shows "no one else" knows about that got canceled "too early".
Arrested Development. Pushing Daisies. Firefly.

Going Green.
Riding a bike to work. Using the carpool lane. Eating organic.

Caring about the environment.
JK! who actually does this? I love GASOLINE!! Give me MORE!

Highschool texting/Emoticons
omg cn u believ dis? ;P dat grl is 2 gross :x :$ :( :#  <:-/


Using a bail bondsman.
JK. No one does that either. And no one exactly knows what a bail bondsman does either.

Funny cat pictures. Aka LOL CATZ
Confession - they are so funny. But only because they're not!

Michael Cera.
Stop being the same character in everything you act in. Stop it.

Reality TV Shows
Dating in the Dark? Bachelor Pad? Who is watching these??? Oh, that's right...everyone.


Please, try to be original text time. K thnx bye.

Moving and Shaking

Growing up I moved around a lot. Correction, my family moved around a lot and I had no choice but to move with them, some moves were good, others not so ideal. One perk however was that I got to know a good moving company from a bad moving company. A good moving company doesn't break, steal or lose any of your items, which is shocking when everything is returned in its original condition. They also put stickers on all of your things that you find for years to come. The last time we used a moving company was over six years ago and we are still finding those pesky stickers underneath our tables, or on the back of our dressers. We can never tell which moving company put them there, because sometimes we find more than one, and they are different colors. When I was in Elementary School we would move at least every two years, everywhere from Texas to California and Kansas. Luckily though, we never had to move to Des Moines. So now to be settled in a house for more than six years I feel very antsy to leave. It's in my blood to be a mover and a shaker, I guess.

Take Care!

Let's Party Like its 1999!!!

One of my most favorite vacations ever was to Phoenix, Arizona. It was my favorite vacation because unlike other "vacations" my parents took me on, this was real. No sight seeing, no 12 hour days with no actual fun involved and every minute planned. No museums or long lines. I stayed with my roommates cousin in his apartment, and actually he worked for a painting contractor, weirdly enough. And he brought his friends from his painting contractor work over to his apartment to meet me, and they were the nicest bunch of people! We partied, and they all tried to convert me to work for the same painting contractor. I think it was less about the actual painting contractor and more about me moving down to Phoenix. But I was flattered just the same. The next few days we went shopping at local stores, went to the zoo and just lazed around in the amazing Arizona sun by the pool. I didn't see his painting contractor friends again before I left, and I wish we would have kept in touch because I would love to have another real vacation with them. I can't believe I haven't been on a real vacation since then, because it was the most relaxed time of my life. I would definitely recommend the sight seeing vacations to anyone, but its definitely worth it to have a vacation with a painting contractor. :)

Plumbing??

Welcome to my new blog!!

Last night I had the weirdest dream about plumbing. Yeah, I know, plumbing! But if you know me, you know I have weird dreams. So I was on a cruise with my best friend Jude (who is not in love with Twilight, but in my dream she was obsessed with Edward, but more on that later). So Jude and I are on a cruise and we're having all sorts of fun, playing badminton and racquetball. And then we decide to write a book about a plumbing business where the main plumber is named Ed J. Smitty. So we are writing about all of his plumbing problems and his plumbing escapades in the town of Edwardsville (Jude made that up and was crazy excited for it, because she wanted to have at least one homage to Twilight in our book). So we're on our cruise, writing about this plumbing business and then our plumbing stops working. And we start shouting for Ed J. Smitty to come to life and save us. Smitty comes, but he brings with him Moby Dick, who happens to be the cause of our plumbing problems. The cruise ship has to end because of Moby Dick and we are almost eaten many times. Then the dream ended. The end.

Have a great day! Here's a little more plumbing action just to keep things fresh.